The Kids are All Right: A Memoir by Diana and Liz Welch with Dan and Amanda Welch

Dan lived with Mrs. Hayes and her family for a while after our mom died. Her son Brad has already sent in his story, which you can read here. Below, Mrs. Hayes remembers those days and explains why she eventually decided it would be best for Dan not to live in her home. This is Mrs. Hayes’ story.

“Dear Danny, Amanda, Liz and Diana,

I only found out about your book a few days ago and it was heartbreaking, but I hope and think that you are all in a better place now. Brad and Billy knew about the book and were concerned that there might be things in it which would upset us so we were never told about it. You are right that none of our memories are or can be the same. There are some things I thought it would be helpful for you to hear and, for sure, I am feeling defensive.”

“The only time I met your Mom was when she came to our house trying to find Danny. I don’t know why that was and didn’t ask, though I suggested a few people she might contact. You are right; she was beautiful. I had seen her in commercials and on a soap and I adored her as Dr. Maggie. When she came that day she had a scarf wrapped around her head and was pale but it didn’t take away from her beauty. There was pain and panic in her eyes. I wish I had asked her to come in and talk but I knew she had other things on her mind. I had been told she was unwell and that your Dad had died and we felt so sorry for all of you.

Danny, we really didn’t know you well. I know you and Brad had mutual friends and I remember him telling us about a great time he had playing army at your house. I believe it was the fire cracker incident that brought the police and some of you went down a manhole to hide from them.

When your Mom died, Brad asked us to bring him to the funeral home. We didn’t know anyone there except for some of your friends. Danny, shortly after the funeral Brad heard that your guardian had backed out and you had no one to stay with. Mr. Hayes and I talked it over and felt we could try to help out. We always had a house full of kids anyway.

My father had died when I was in my senior year at Fox Lane. My sisters were five and nine at the time and we were all fearful of what would happen if our mother died. I think this is why I had such empathy. I believe I called Mrs. Stewart or Mrs. Chamberlain and was given the name of an attorney in Bedford Hills. She was handling your mother’s affairs. This is how you came to our house over the Christmas holiday. Eve and Harry visited and seemed happy with the situation. The Bedford Golf and Tennis set found us to be “adorable.” They called us the Walton’s. I’m not sure they meant it as a  compliment but we could have been called worse.

Danny, after the school vacation and only a few days after moving in with us it was time for you to return to TP. We drove you there and it was terrible to leave you. I can’t recall exactly how long afterwards, probably just a few weeks later, we received a call from the headmaster and were told that you had run away from school. He suspected you had taken a train and were heading for Mt. Kisco. He was right. We really didn’t know what to do. We had told you that you were now a part of our family but you were the only one not living at home. We were afraid you would continue to run away from TP and felt that with all you had already lost it would be better for you to go back to Fox Lane – to be with friends and near your sisters. We had every hope that this would work out. We also pursued getting psychiatric help to better understand how to deal with the situation. We were certainly not anti private schools. Mr. Hayes had graduated from one in Massachusettts.

We did get together with all of you and the Stewarts and Chamberlains. I recall Mrs. Chamberlain calling us one night. You had all gone to pick up Diana and bring her out for ice cream. It was a school night and you were asked to have her back by 8. She wasn’t returned until 10 or 11 because you brought her to a party. I really don’t recall much other contact with the other families. However, is it really possible that everyone who attempted to help all of you had come straight out of a Dickens novel? As badly as I feel for all of you I also feel very badly for the Chamberlains. I personally feel that alot of what was written about them needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

Now about us. I was described as a red-faced, screaming bitch and Mr. Hayes was the gentle giant who didn’t have a mind of his own. If this were the case why so many kids hanging out at our house. We always had shoes of all sizes lined up in the kitchen and extra plates on the table. Mr. Hayes would avoid confrontation at all costs. This is probably due to his childhood which I am not getting into. It was his nature to sit back and let me worry about the “small stuff” while he would take care of the “big stuff”. He was and still is the rock of our family. He loved sports, Mount Kisco and all the kids he came into contact with. After reading the book he also better understands the horror of all you went through but on our behalf he also added that
“no good deed goes unpunished.”

Danny, we were not holy rollers who prayed all the time. Far from it. We only went to church for weddings, funerals and Christmas Eve. If I ever prayed I am sure it was only to hope that you, Brad and Billy would hurry up and grow up! Brad and Billy had been baptized and you and Brad were of age to be confirmed into the Episcopal church. Though we didn’t go to church we thought we should give you both this opportunity to learn and decide for yourselves if you wanted religion in your lives. I dropped you off at St. Mark’s. The instructer told all of you to leave if you weren’t prepared to accept God in your lives. Needless to say you both left and walked home. It was actually a relief for us because we didn’t want to go to church either. End of story.
Danny, I don’t know if you were testing me or it was just your nature but the story you tell of Clockwork Orange and my reaction when you called me in just as the rape scene started is a perfect example of our problems. I know you resented our rules and me but the rules weren’t unreasonable and actually very typical. We expected all three of you to go to school, play sports, eat dinner as a family and get homework done. There was always time for tv, playing outside, music and reading. School nights were for staying home and weekends were for going out. Nothing unusual there.

One of our obligations was to see that you went to school and what brought everything to a head was when I started getting calls from Fox Lane while I was at work. I was being told that you were not in school. We discovered that Amanda and Karen were arranging auditions for you in NYC without our knowledge or consent though we were now your legal guardians. We asked that they stop doing this but it continued. The conversation you heard me have with Amanda was after yet another day of skipping school to go to an audition. I told her it could only work out for all of us if she abided by our rules and going to school was one of them. If she didn’t agree with this and felt she or Karen knew better how to raise you than both of them could take over. You have to remember that Brad and Billy were watching all of this and felt that whatever you were allowed to do, they should be
allowed to do, too.

In the book you mention that we were interfering with your livlihood. At fourteen you didn’t need a livelihood. However, after reading the book I can understand why you were so frantic to earn money even though it was no longer necessary. You remember me screaming all the time but I remember me crying all the time.

It is ironic that we didn’t know a book was being published because we just went through photos a month ago and did up separate albums for Brad and Billy. With Brad’s 20th high school reunion coming up we thought he would want to share some of the pictures with friends. Lots of them have been posted on Face Book. You looked so happy yet you were obviously, and with good reason, in a great deal of pain.

Amanda, it was touching to read how hard you tried to be the mother and hold the family together. I had never thought about it and it was an eye opener. You used the family china and recipes and furniture and did the best you could to bring normalcy to your lives. So difficult to read about you replicating family holidays with very important members missing. Liz, I was amazed at how you were a peace maker and always bringing gifts and love to those around you. Diana, I know it must have been hardest of all for you but, if it is any help, please remember that we all have issues with our parents and grow up with some resentment and anger. Certainly not as difficult as it was for you but issues nonetheless.

Congratulations on your book. It is absolutely one of the best I have ever read and I’m sure it was catharic for all of you. We wish you the best and are happy that you are so close to one another and a united family again. If you want to get in touch please ask Brad or Billy for our phone number or email address. I wish we had had an opportunity to talk before the book was published.”